It happens in cycles.. like i forget and lose interest... and then all of a sudden it's right back up into my face and it's all I can think about. Let's face it. Life is boring. So when one tiny spark reintroduces itself into your world, it makes all the difference. But when you're so obsessed over one little thing... the only fun thing... you feel terrible when it's not there. it's like sucking the life outta you. every second it's not there, you're dying for a breath. and when it doesn't show up at all, which should be normal, you're completely under. How come this always happens to me? I keep underestimating this power. I mistreat and repeat. I don't deserve any of this, and yet I complain when it's gone. How could you ever understand what it feels like to take a step in my shoes? I'm always addicted to something... but it's amazing how rude and selfish I am to the only thing that makes a difference. That's why I meant it when I said to keep trying. I don't deserve special treatment or anything like that, but my life is just so bland without you. And if your not there, I could never even imagine having enough courage to ask you back. That's unfair. I don't deserve it. And yet, here I am, still waiting for a chance. Why can't I be older already? I'm sick of everything here and I'm slowly starting to become a loser. My life is falling out from under my feet. Every step forward I take, an ominous shadow lurks on our heels, rotting away this earth beneath us. I know I'll get through this, but I'm not taking it seriously right now. I completely changed topics by the way... just so frustrated with everything. I can't stand it anymore. Please shine again for me and warm up my heart? See? You really are everything. Thank you.